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Healing Your Relationship With Money Commitment Four: In my relationship to money, I am committed to revealing myself, to not concealing myself. Getting
Radically Honest About Your Money Matters How
many times have you told a white lie or half-truth about your financial
situation? Ever inflated your current salary during a job interview because you
were afraid you wouldn't get the salary you were asking for otherwise? Told the
panhandler you didn't have any change because you were afraid he or she would
use the money for booze or because you didn't want to deal with their harsh
reality? Said "the check is in the mail" when it wasn't? Said "we
can't afford it" about something you didn't want to spend money on? Said
"you don't really want that" when you were actually concerned about
how much something cost or because you secretly wanted something else but
weren't able to speak up about it? Ever tried to get a discount or something for
nothing, just because you thought you shouldn't have to pay more? Almost
everyone, at one time or another, has been afraid to fully reveal themselves
financially. This fear, which drives us to conceal what we're actually
experiencing regarding money, is insidious. It sets us up for financial failure
in ways we don't even realize. Making
a conscious commitment to revealing ourselves financially, rather than
continuing to conceal ourselves financially, means taking a long, radically
honest look at our current financial situation. It means examining every bump
and wrinkle and money decision dispassionately and without judgment. It means
facing all those money fears head on, even when doing so is painful,
anxiety-provoking or brings up anger and fear we'd long pushed aside. It means
being willing to reveal the truth about your finances and how you feel about
money. Ask
yourself: what do I need to change about myself and the way I deal with the
financial situations in my life in order to feel like I have control over my
finances? In order to feel like I'm not wasting money and that I DO have enough?
In order to realize that the fact others have MORE than I do doesn't mean I
can't have more for myself? Remember, you're making a commitment to being
radically honest in all your financial dealings. What
exactly does it mean to be radically honest? It means asking before you make
personal copies on the office copier, or offering to pay for them before you
make them. It means not asking others to compromise themselves in order for you
to get what you want. It means actively speaking up about what you do want and
not making assumptions that others will (or should) know what is important to
you. Now,
you might be asking yourself what the point is to this commitment. The point of
radical honesty is that you're aligning your intentions with your actions. Ever
been shortchanged by a person or company? How did you react? Most of us usually
go out of our way to go back and set the situation right or we go out of our way
not to patronize them again. Radical honesty means taking those same extra steps
to correct situations where a person or company inadvertently shortchanges
itself. Many
of us are quick to teach our children a lesson in right and wrong when we catch
them pilfering a pack of gum from the store, for example, yet we see nothing
wrong with pilfering a pack of legal pads from the office. We're quick to go out
of our way to let our insurance company know if they haven't paid us for a
claim, but we're not so quick to let them know if they pay the same claim twice. We
rationalize our actions with practical truths. We'll be using the legal pads for
business work, mostly. The insurance company can afford to pay us twice. But
radical honesty calls for us to step up to the radical truth behind our actions.
I
was recently in this situation and faltered, because I was short on time. As I
climbed back in the car, hurrying to my next destination, I realized I had
received two booklets of stamps, but had only been charged for one. I
rationalized that the next time I was at that post office, I would correct the
situation. Yet I haven't made it a priority to go to that post office, and when
I do get there, the windows are usually closed. I can still set the situation
right, however, by dropping a check into the postal slot, with a note addressed
to the postmaster, explaining what the check is for and asking that a receipt be
placed in my mailbox. Why
did I accept the stamps and not fix the situation right then and there? Why do
we take the office supplies or use the office phone for personal long distance
calls or use the copier to copy our personal materials without asking? Why do we
look for ways to "get a better deal?" Fear.
It always comes back to fear. Fear that we won't have or don't have enough time,
energy or money to do what we want to do. And this fear often manifests as
anger. "They" -- the corporation, the government -- can
"afford" the expense. We want more and they have more, and this makes
us angry and fearful. After all, we pay a lot in taxes, or sweat equity or
premiums, or whatever. They "owe" us. The
only problem is, this mindset constantly keeps us indebted to others by not
honoring our relationship with rigorous honesty. We displace the fear with
righteous indignation. But
then our anxiety kicks in, which is a symptom of our fear. We start thinking
about the copies that need to be made, for instance, and our pulse begins to
race. What if someone comes in while we're making copies? What if we forget to
take the originals with us? What if the insurance company discovers it overpaid
us and wants its money back? This
energy-draining anxiety is deflecting you from your commitment. The phrase
"ask and you will receive" is no mere platitude. By asking permission
to borrow a piece of office equipment or use office supplies, for example, you
receive empowerment, you receive energy, you receive greater abundance. The
next time an opportunity comes up that has ties to a financial issue for you, be
bold and daring and reveal your radical truth. Put the truth on the table. Tell
your mate you'd rather spend your money on new curtains than on a belt sander,
instead of chastising your spouse for wanting to buy "something we can't
afford." The truth isn't about a fear of lack. The truth is that you have
desires too, that you aren't verbalizing. You want more, too. Take
a bold step and speak your truth about money situations. Voice the fears. By
giving them a voice you acknowledge them and that acknowledgement helps ease the
fears. Think
about an argument you might have had with someone recently. Chances are that you
didn't need to be perceived as right. You just needed to have your point of view
understood and acknowledged. That's the true measure of winning an argument, and
the true measure of how well you're revealing yourself. You'll know that you're
revealing yourself completely regarding your finances when you can walk away
from a situation feeling proud and anxiety-free, knowing that you spoke the
truth about the situation. Whether
you're avoiding creditors, sneaking materials from work, hiding purchases from
your spouse or not sharing your true feelings with your spouse, or avoiding
settling matters with a person or organization who has more than you do, you are
concealing yourself. When
we put ourselves in these situations, we're like children who stay home sick
from school. We get all agitated and upset over having to take medicine for our
ills. But once we do so, our health starts improving. Speaking the radical truth
about our finances is the medicine that will help us heal our relationship with
money. With this Commitment, I send you a spoonful of sugar in the form of an
unconditional hug, to help the medicine go down. ******* Paula
Langguth Ryan is a contemporary prosperity advisor, |
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